Saturday, April 28, 2007

Bad day

I have not forced myself to vomit in more than three months, and will likely never do it again. I’ve gained some weight as a result, but I’m trying not to let it get me down. (Ironically, one of the treatments for GERD is to loose weight, which I will try to do the right way.)

Meanwhile, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I might have killed myself with bulimia. It won’t happen immediately. But there’s a possibility now, a very real possibility, that I could die from the problems I’ve caused my body. I must now have a scope done every year, to check for cancer.

I don’t post this information today in hopes of getting sympathy. I don’t want it. I did this to myself, and I will take it for what it was and do my best to survive it. I post it today because I don’t think most people understand the seriousness of bulimia. The doctor who performed the scope on me yesterday even told me he’d never read anything in the “the literature” about GERD and hiatal hernia being caused by bulimia. He was dismissive and seemed to regard me as a hypochondriac – until the procedure proved him wrong.

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